Attraction is subjective, and what people find appealing or off-putting in a partner varies widely. On an episode of Koffee with Karan, Anushka Sharma shared one of her biggest turn-offs: men who take their shirts off and pose. "It's just not attractive, I find it actually quite off-putting. Do it when you have to do it," she said, adding, when Katrina Kaif pushed back, "I feel like it's a little too much now. Removing and posing, it's so off-putting."
Confidence and self-expression matter, but they do not always align with what others find attractive. The Indian Express asked Neha Cadabam, Senior Psychologist and Executive Director at Cadabam's Hospitals, why certain behaviours become turn-offs and how personal preferences take shape.
Why behaviours become turn-offs
"Behaviours or fashion choices may become turn-offs when they signal qualities that clash with a person's internal values or desired image in a partner," Neha Cadabam told indianexpress.com. "For instance, certain styles might be interpreted as a lack of effort or an indicator of mismatched priorities. These responses are largely formed through past experiences and cultural narratives, leading individuals to develop unique preferences. In this way, personal attraction is less about objective aesthetics and more about the meanings and associations we attach to various cues in a potential partner's presentation."
Balancing confidence with self-awareness
Confidence in personal presentation comes from being true to yourself while staying receptive to social context and constructive feedback. Both men and women benefit from recognising what their style communicates and making sure it aligns with their personality and values, expressing individuality without veering into extremes that alienate others.
"By staying open to input from trusted friends or mentors, individuals can fine-tune their presentation. The goal is to present an authentic image that projects self-assurance, while also being mindful of social signals that might affect how they're perceived. Ultimately, it's an ongoing process of self-reflection and adaptation that allows personal style to evolve in harmony with one's inner confidence," she said.
How social conditioning shapes attraction
Social conditioning has a profound impact on our notions of attractiveness. "From early childhood, media, cultural norms, and peer interactions embed certain ideals about what is considered desirable. These societal influences can shape preferences, often dictating that traits or styles associated with success, beauty, or even professionalism are attractive."
These norms are not fixed, however. "As awareness of diversity grows and individuals engage in self-reflection, many begin to question and redefine these inherited standards. This evolution allows people to develop more personalised criteria for attraction that resonate with their true selves, rather than simply mirroring societal expectations," she concluded.
Support at Cadabam's Hospitals
Understanding your own patterns of attraction, self-image and self-worth can transform your relationships. Cadabam's Hospitals offers confidential counselling and psychotherapy for individuals and couples who want to build healthier connections. Our team is here to help.