Digital creator and actor Kusha Kapila, known for her witty takes on Indian society, recently joked about wanting to be an Indian damaad, or son-in-law, for a day. Speaking with Kenny Sebastian on his podcast, she pointed to the stark difference in how sons-in-law and daughters-in-law are treated. "I don't know in South India, but in North India, damaad or sons-in-law are like Gods," she said, recalling how her family would start preparing two days in advance whenever her bua's husband visited. "The tikki was golden, the bhalla was fluffy, the butter chicken was creamy, and the naan was exceptional."
The contrast is striking: the damaad is placed on a pedestal, while the bahu faces endless expectations. The Indian Express asked Neha Cadabam, Senior Psychologist and Executive Director at Cadabam's Hospitals, what this does to newly married women and how families can do better.
The struggle behind the stereotype
Despite long-standing stereotypes, a common struggle for newly married women is balancing their individuality with the expectations of a new family, Neha Cadabam noted. Differences in lifestyle, traditions and communication styles can lead to misunderstandings that reinforce the very stereotype.
"Creating a welcoming and supportive environment for a new family member requires empathy, open communication, and mutual respect. Families can start by acknowledging that the daughter-in-law is adjusting to a new home, traditions, and relationships. Encouraging open discussions about expectations without imposing rigid roles can help ease this transition," she explained.
How families can build belonging
A sense of belonging grows when the family includes the new member in decision-making, respects her individuality and offers emotional support rather than immediate expectations of conformity. "Small gestures like involving her in family traditions at her comfort level and encouraging her to maintain her own interests and identity can create a nurturing environment," she said.
Relationships thrive when both sides invest in understanding and patience. Just as the daughter-in-law is adapting to a new family, the in-laws are adjusting to a new member. Mutual effort means finding common ground, staying open to each other's perspectives and letting the relationship grow organically.
"Simple acts of kindness, shared experiences, and clear communication help foster trust. Rather than expecting an immediate familial bond, allowing the relationship to develop at a comfortable pace leads to stronger connections. A healthy in-law relationship is not about perfection but about respect, effort, and willingness to embrace each other's differences," she said.
Setting healthy boundaries
Newly married individuals can set healthy boundaries while still engaging with their in-laws' traditions and values. "Expressing concerns calmly and openly, rather than suppressing them, can prevent future conflicts. Seeking support from a partner is also essential; having honest conversations about expectations and feelings helps bridge gaps between the two families," she concluded.
Support at Cadabam's Hospitals
Adjusting to a new family is one of the most demanding transitions in adult life, and it is easier with support. Cadabam's Hospitals offers family therapy and confidential counselling for couples and newly married individuals navigating in-law relationships, expectations and boundaries. Our team is here to help.