If you thought "ghosting" and "breadcrumbing" were the peak of messy dating slang, brace yourself. Gen Z has moved the goalposts again, adding "Shrekking" and "monkey-barring" to the dating dictionary. NDTV set out to decode what the terms mean, why they are catching on, and why experts call them toxic, with Neha Parashar, Senior Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert at Cadabam's Mindtalk, leading the analysis.
What Shrekking really means
"Think of Shrekking as 'dating down on purpose,'" Neha Parashar explained. The idea is to choose someone you believe is less conventionally attractive or lower-status so you will be "safer" from heartbreak. The twist is that people still get rejected, they "get Shrekked", because attraction and kindness do not obey a crude beauty-or-status calculus.
The trend is toxic, she said, because it treats partners like risk shields rather than people. Shrekking is essentially settling in advance and hoping safety will turn into love. What you actually get is resentment, unequal footing and the uncomfortable sense that your partner was chosen as a backup plan.
Monkey-barring: emotional cheating in disguise
Monkey-barring takes its name from the way children swing from one bar to the next, never letting go of one until they have gripped the other. In dating, it means not letting go of your current partner until you have found emotional security in someone new.
"This is the newer label for a long-observed behaviour also called 'monkey-branching', so you never face being single," Neha Parashar said. "It's toxic because it relies on secrecy, splits attention and empathy, and denies both partners honest consent."
Why these habits are spreading
Gen Z uses micro-labels to narrate patterns fast, and the terms spread on TikTok and Instagram because they turn vague discomfort into a shareable "aha". Choice overload on dating apps, swipe fatigue and routine ghosting make defensive strategies like Shrekking and monkey-barring feel tempting.
"Measured strains show modern dating affordances, abundant choice, ambiguous norms, can raise fear of being single, lower self-esteem, and heighten rejection sensitivity. That sets the stage for hedging behaviours like monkey-barring and Shrekking," she noted.
How to avoid the trap
The experts NDTV spoke to offered five pointers: admit to yourself whatever mess you are in, because self-awareness is the first step; do not start a new romance until you have respectfully ended the last one; remember that looks and social clout will not protect you from heartbreak, but kindness and emotional maturity will; cut down on endless app-scrolling and focus on quality over quantity; and communicate early, because directness beats game-playing every time.
Shrekking and monkey-barring may sound like fun internet slang, but at their core they reflect the growing insecurities of modern dating. The antidote is a little less gaming the system and a little more honesty.
Support at Cadabam's
If dating has left you anxious, rejected or unsure of your own worth, talking to a professional can help you break defensive patterns and build healthier connections. Cadabam's Hospitals offers confidential counselling and psychotherapy for individuals and couples. Our team is here to help.