04 September,2019 | 7 months read
I was dealing with a failing and toxic relationship. My heart was as shattered as the broken glass I was sitting in. The ache inside. The emotional pain was persistent and unyielding. At times, it was simply deafening. Sleepless nights filled with anxiety left me in a fetal position as I lay on the floor. I had no other words. Just raw pain and open wounds of multiple losses and rejection. I did not know how to make the pain stop. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad. I was depressed!!
The emotional pain overwhelmed me to the point of absolute hopelessness and despair.
Soon, I was bombarded with thoughts of suicide day and night. I did not want to die. But, I did want the pain to end! I wanted those who treated me unjustly to suffer the pain of loss and rejection I had experienced. I wanted them to forever grieve the day they rejected me. I wanted them to pay for the pain and emotional distress they caused me. I wanted justice and suicide was the way I chose to seek it. And I attempted! I nearly plunged in front of a train but was able to see someone to stop me. I cried for the entire day. It was horrible and the pain I can't even describe to this day.
At 26 years of age, after an unsuccessful suicide attempt, I landed in a hospital psychiatric hospital for seven days.
These people are crazy, I thought. I don't belong here. I called my psychiatrist and pleaded to be released immediately - to no avail.
But, That day I was given a second chance to live. The collective pain and shared stories of the people in the psychiatric hospital overwhelmed me. My pain and problems seemed to pale in comparison. With support, I committed to stay alive and to learn healthy ways to reconcile my painful crisis of loss, rejection, and conditional love.
With the renewed strength, I got my life back several years ago. I laugh again. I smile again. I no longer swing back and forth on the pendulum of suicidal despair. I'm not depressed. I'm fully alive on the inside. Do I still have painful circumstances in my life? Yes! But, now I have enduring HOPE. And you can too!
Friends, if you are contemplating suicide, then I am writing to you with need. So, listen very closely as you read every word, because this may be the most important message of your entire life! You Do Not Want To Die. You want to end the pain and suffering.
This message is also to someone who has a loved one attempted suicide - remember suicide is a silent cry for help.
SPREAD HOPE INTO SOMEONE'S LIFE... IF YOU HAVE ANY STORY OR WANT TO SHARE YOUR VIEWS & THOUGHTS, SHARE IT HERE- firstname.lastname@example.org.
My silent Cry for help
I’m Denin, 25 years old. My parents went through a Divorce. Around the same time, without knowing that I had bipolar disorder, I began experiencing severe depression. My intense pain reached the point that I felt so tired of almost everything. So I decided to end my life without allowing others to know of my intentions.
I still recount the day I made an attempt to end my life: “I was grieving. I was so tired, emotionally drained. I was watching at people, thinking someone would ask me, ‘Are you OK?’ As much as I needed that, I was listening to these voices [in my head] saying, ‘You have to die.’ … The whole time I begged myself not to, but the voices were too strong, I just couldn’t fight them.”
I was convinced that no one bothered for me, I made the attempt—but miraculously survived!!!
We all know that suicide is a devastating experience. And there is no more hard time for those when a loved one ends life- yet why no one makes an attempt to understand this overwhelming pain and a silent cry for help????
I hope my story said a lot to you all. Please I insist- let us discuss and strengthen our hope towards suicide prevention so that no one despairs.